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Jake Ryan is a Junior at North Side High School, he enjoys playing basketball, playing baseball, and being a complete dummy. Jakes life starts after high school when he begins to grow a mullet and idolize Joe Dirt. He said he just wants to "dig it" and be all that he can be, whatever that means. Jake attends IPFW college and finishes with a Degree in Mulletology. Hes fascinated with the mullets and begins to collect pictures of everybody with mullets. He studies Joe Dirts hair style up and down from his movie. Jake even attempts to grow the white trash facial hair but all he can grow is one little hair next to his eye...i dont understand why he would shave there anyway, hes a dummy.
Jake soon starts his own shop of "Mullets Now & Then". His shop soon becomes a complete disgrace to life and is soon closed. After his head is shaved bald and Jake stops crying like a little bitch he moves to Texas, where he drives down the street everyday on his mo-ped looking for "chickies", but usually ends up getting a transfestite prostitute everytime.
| Joe Dirt |
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| Jakes 1st lifetime idol |
| Lloyd from Dumb & Dumber |
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| Jakes 2nd Lifetime idol, dang do they look alike |
After 10 years in Texas Jake moves back to Indiana and soon begins to idolize a new person, Lloyd from Dumb & Dumber, Jake has the hairstyle and everything and again, studies his idol up and down. Soon after its found out that Jake is idolizing another complete dumbass, Jake is beatin up, thrown into prison for a day, became somebodies bitch, and then is said to have came out with no hair, naked, with ice on his ass.
Afterwards, Jake is said to just go home, cry like a little girl and kept crying for 5 years.
After his 5 year period of acting like a little girl he got a job at Scotts, where he was a bagger for 2 days until he was fired for trying to beat up an old lady trying to take her bag. Jake said "that bitch aint takin this bag, I bagged this bitch good, she can go home with her old raggedy ass and break her hip." Jake had a lot of built of anger and violence.
Jake never got a job again in his life and lived with his parents until the age of 67 when he died. When they found his body on the couch, the Porno channel was still on, they think he might have suffered a heart attack from being too excited, but who knows.
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