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Here we have Jon Schultz, hes a Junior student at North Side High School. He enjoys going to the park everyday and sitting there; Being scared of girls, talking like a wigger (which he is one) and sitting at home with his mexican cat.
Jon's life is rather interesting, after graduation in 2006 (after being held back one year for lack of English credits - his wiggerish talk got in the way and he couldn't talk normal) Jon attended WOA (Wiggers of America) College and earned his degree in Ebonics.
Jon soon got a job at a local Pizza Hut again (after being fired back in 2003) and soon enough, got fired again. He said he didnt feel like washing dishes and it was "dumb". Jon soon forgot about money, which he was payed for washing them "dumb" dishes and became a Park Bum until the age of 33. Along that stretch Jon finally got insurance and could drive legally (even though he had his license since his 17th Birthday). He then bought his first car for 56.00 dollars and stole four 8" subs for it.
| Jons 56 dollar ride |
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| how do the subs fit? |
Jon quickly afterwards changed his name to La'Mar and moved to Africa where he married the love of his life. He said she "was dat fine thang" and at first resembled Rupaul.
| Jons Woman |
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| she dat ugly thang |
Quickly after Jon married, above we see his wife and her sister having a snack. Jon moved back to the states with his love and applied for a job with BET. They said he was too much of a wigger and quickly beat him up and threw him in the gutter.
Afterwards Jons wife died of a heart attack, who would have seen that coming. Jon was heartbroken and moved away to Dallas. There he got a job as a truck driver and made over 6 digits a year. He was finally happy even though he quickly gained 150 lbs. and got diagnosed with dietbetes.
Jon soon enough moved to mexico after 11 years as a truck driver, met back up with his mexican cat and lived there until his 61st birthday until his cat died, and he moved back to Fort Wayne. Jon went back to his old days and stayed at the park everyday until eventually he broke his hip trying to sneeze.
| Jons cat Nolla |
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| Shes mexican |
Jon died years after his hip incident on a piece of dog food. Nobody knows why he was eating dog food in the first place, but thats not the point. Jonathan David Schultz lived from 1986-2082, at the age of 96. His life was probably the worst life a person could live, but he sure did make the most of it....kinda.
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